EXAMPLE ARTICLE:
A Child In A Highly Structured Environment
We have all seen how structure can affect a
person’s life. It has been projected in several Hollywood movies, and we
often encounter a child that does not go anywhere but home, school,
practice and back home again. It’s like the child’s entire existence
revolves around the pre-programmed activities laid out to him by his
well-meaning parents. An alteration in the program is perceived as
inconceivable, improbable, and highly unacceptable that inputs coming from
the child is not heard or ignored.
To see it in your child’s perspective, you can view two types of movies on
this subject: The Truman Show and Bolt. The Truman Show is about a Truman
Burbank (Jim Carey) who has lived his entire life inside an environment
which is actually a movie set staged by Cristof (Ed Harris). His entire
life is already premeditated by Cristof, from his job, his house, his car,
and even his wife. Because Truman and “Sylvia” (Natascha McElhone) fell
inlove with each other and she wish to tell Truman the truth, she was cast
out. This led to Truman’s road for truth, and eventually freedom from the
highly structured life that he has grown accustomed to.
Shown in somewhat the same light is Bolt, a computer animated film by Walt
Disney starring Bolt (John Travolta), who is a dog also raised inside a
production set and led to believe that he has awesome powers such as the
super bark. When his “person” Penny (Miley Cyrus
) was “kidnapped,” he set out a quest to find her. With the aid of a
declawed alley cat Mittens (Sussie Essman), and Rhino (Mark Walton) the
hamster in a ball, Bolt’s adventure to “find” Penny led to a discovery
that he is not what he was brought out to be, and was able to find out the
joys of being just a regular kid.
You may be wondering what all this has got to do with kids. Well, let’s
see it in Truman’s point of view. His structured living was not what he
wanted, so he did everything he could to get out of the loop of a
cushioned and highly regimented existence. A child that is always told he
can only do limited things on her own and with little freedom will result
in a rebellious attitude. That rebel is out there to prove that she can
survive without your meddling. That she can be what she wants to be and
still be successful and happy without any unnecessary push and pull from a
highly dominating and controlling parent. A child’s detest on excessive
control can also trigger eating problems such as anorexia or Bulimia.
Anorexia rise from subconscious rejection of excessive control. Your child
knows that what she can put inside her body is the only thing that you
cannot control she then proceeds to rigidly limit her intake. Bulimia, on
the other hand, can happen this way. Because she feels guilty that deep
inside she does not want to be what you want her to be, she seeks
fulfillment and comfort by eating excessively. Once her “spell” is over,
she would now feel ashamed about secretly resenting your control and in
knowing that excessive eating is not socially acceptable. She would now
force herself to purge out what she had consumed, and go on as if nothing
happened.
Now, let’s look into the point of view of Bolt, or a child that did not
rebel on that highly regimented structure. Not being exposed to the real
world will cause some highly idealistic point of view. When something
happens that would leave him to fend alone with his own devices, he would
be at a loss on what to do. You have programmed him to believe that he has
abilities greater than those around him that he would be confused when he
encounters someone who is better and highly skilled than he is. Or at
worse, he cannot be something that you had led him to believe for the
circumstances are now different. Either he would compensate by doing
better and by being ruthless, or be insecure about his abilities.
Eventually his self-worth would gradually decrease, and that can lead to
depression.
Let your child explore what he can and cannot be. Guidance is necessary,
while control is not. Give him structure as to know how to go about the
rules of society, but do not force your ideals and your dreams on your
children. Let your children grow, and let them go. As parents, we do not
own their lives. Their lives are theirs and theirs alone. It is natural
that you do not wish your children to be hurt or have a difficult life.
But this is a cruel world, and you must be there to give them comfort and
support in time of need. Loving also means letting them be so they can
stand on their feet and be responsible for what they have done. |